We have heard the saying “It is better to be alone than in bad company”; it is great to be married, but I believe it is better to be single than to be in a marriage where you feel trapped and dead on the inside.

A broken relationship is better than a broken home, so if there are signs of an unhappy marriage already showing in your relationship, please have the courage to walk away. It is better to let go of the ‘good’, so the ‘best’ can come. if you aren’t in a relationship, the good thing is that you can make the most of being single by building and preparing yourself to be a great partner and spouse when you do get hitched..

How do you maximise singlehood? What should you do while ‘waiting’ – or looking for Mr or Mrs Right?

1. Open your eyes:
Don’t shut yourself off from the world, be accessible. You may not have a very active social life when you’re married because of increased responsibilities, so this is your chance to build friendships that will stand the test of time. Besides, how will you meet a potential spouse if you don’t give yourself the chance? Rebecca in the bible got a husband because she went to the ‘well’. The well was a social meeting point for shepherds and maidens because it was the major source of water in the area and almost everyone had to come there. It was a good place to exchange greetings and chat while you waited your turn to fetch water and since it was done every day, it was a good spot for the beginning of many ‘promising’ friendships.
Join a gym, a department in church, a club or start a new hobby where you get to meet people. The idea is to make friends and get to know them without an agenda.

When you know people in a relaxed atmosphere, they also get to know you and potential ‘courtship’ relationships can begin.. I must say this, where you go determines the kind of people you’d meet. Anyone one you meet in a brothel, a night club or a friend’s bachelor party may not have the same values as you and may be the cause of ‘regret-worthy’ one night stands and unwanted pregnancies waiting to happen to an unfortunate victim; so choose your social activities wisely!

2. Look inside:
To be good company, you must learn how to successfully stand alone. You can’t support your future spouse and be a backbone when you haven’t learnt how to support yourself emotionally and otherwise. A successful marriage is the coming together of two ‘whole’ people not two ‘halves’.

That’s why the seemingly romantic line “You complete me” is like a fallacy, because no human being can ‘complete’ another person because they are not God. Yes you may feel better around someone and you may fit together like two peas in a pod, ‘5’ and ‘6’.. and all the ‘perfect pair’ synonyms, but you need to discover yourself, your likes, your purpose, your passion and what you want out of life. Focus on YOU, focus on building your career, on building your character and building your dreams; that way when he or she comes along, they will be proud and feel so lucky to be with someone like you.

3. Be patient:
I know this seems cliché or maybe crazy if you’re way past your 30s and under pressure to settle down, but the most mistakes in life are made when you’re in a hurry. Count the cost of getting married and be sure that you are ready. Don’t get married for your mother, or for society, do it for yourself. You will be the only one in the marriage with someone else, so why shouldn’t you be allowed to make sure you’re ready?

Desperate choices bring desperate mistakes so take your time in getting to know people and getting to know yourself, your future spouse will appreciate you more. Besides, your attractiveness drops when you’re too eager to get hitched, haven’t you noticed that people who seem to not be looking for a relationship always seem to have ‘chasers’? Maybe waiting a little before you commit to a relationship will save you from avoidable heartbreaks, bankruptcy and abuse.

4. Grow, improve, but don’t change:
I’ve seen cases where people lower their standards, pretend to be who they are not, and disregard their values only to be heartbroken in the end. If anyone cannot love you for whom you are, then you are better off without them. Be the best version of yourself, but by all means never try to be someone you’re not to gain acceptance. A lot of marriages have suffered from great shock when during years of dating the man was a romantic gentleman with suave and manners, and when he gets married he reveals the ‘cave man’ inside; and turns a wonderful wife into a bitter and disappointed woman. A lady who hates the ‘heat’ of the kitchen pretends to be a domestic goddess to attract a husband and turns into slob after marriage, much to the disappointment of her husband. Please be open minded and willing to change, but don’t make up a fantasy of perfection in order to trap someone. You were created wonderful, you are beautiful inside and
out. Work on getting the beauty within and without to shine through. Anyone who cant see and appreciate the unique and wonderful person you are doesn’t deserve to be with you. Any love you are not secure, confident and feel peace about, will not changed by marriage. I see a wedding coming up that will be the beginning of a wonderful marriage and its got your name on it!

Cheers! By tomi sule

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