The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate
father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to
arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, �I’m off. The man should be
here soon” Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
�Good morning, madam. I’ve come to….”
�Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting you,” Mrs. Smith cut in.
�Really?” the photographer asked. �Well, good. I’ve made a speciality of
�That’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat”
After a moment, she asked, blushing, �Well, where do we start?”
�Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is
fun too; you can really spread out!”
�Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work for Harry and me”
�Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different
angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results”
�My, that’s a lot of…..” gasped Mrs. Smith.
�Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I’d love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you’d be disappointed with that, I’m sure”
�Don’t I know it,” Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
�This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London”
�Oh my God!” Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
�And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with”
�She was difficult?” asked Mrs. Smith.
�Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get
a good look”
�Four and five deep?” asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
�Yes,” the photographer said, �And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.”
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. �You mean squirrels actually chewed on your,
�That’s right. Well, madam, if you’re ready, I’ll set up my tripod so we
can get to work.”
�Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big for
me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ……. Good Lord, she’s
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