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Hillarious: Nigerian Guy writes a letter to his future wife


Hey wifey.

I have often wondered how life with you would be.
I often imagine how we will look together.
To start with, I strongly believe you are a daughter of Zion who is very much in love with the Father.
You have to love Him more than you love me.
See, that is a necessity.�We would together study the word, pray and teach others how to live according to the dictates of the Bible. We would build a home whose foundation is Christ the Lord. And with that settled, we can move to the other less important things.

Jeez, I get frightened sometimes about the many responsibilities that come with marriage.
I hope you don’t use excessive make-up because I am such a fan of the natural not the ‘pow-tural’.
Feel free to make yourself up, and all you ladies too, but do be moderate.
If you have been using excessive make up before now, please, it’s time to change your ways. At least, for our love’s sake.
Now, I would not particularly say that I am a romantic but I know I’ll try. I’d make you happy, you’d see.
Most importantly, I trust that you are virgin.
In all senses oh, (Because they say there are several virgins who have…)
I know how difficult staying a virgin is, in these times but I also know it’s not impossible.
Perhaps, I would make you a very expensive Award or Certificate of �Virginity” or �Honour” to let you know how grateful I am. I’m very serious oh.

People get married these days and can’t keep to their vows.
That gets at me a lot, I must tell you.
I don’t ever want to have any reason to even think about, not to mention actually divorcing you.
It almost scares the life out of me when I see couples separated only just after six months or one year of marriage.
It makes marriage seem like one helluva mountain to climb. I trust ours would be amazing. I now joyfully look forward to it!

Er, I hope you like football?
Or you at least won’t mind my watching it attentively while you want to do other things.
I really hope you hate African Magic as much as I do.
If you love Arsenal, that makes it perfect for us but if you don’t, well, I’m okay, as long as it’s not Chelsea you love.

I don’t like Chelsea an inch (Anyway, it doesn’t matter, Love covers a multitude of sins).
I have gotten pretty frustrated with Arsene Wenger in the past, so if you hear me complain about him in the future, just let me do that or you may comfort me.

Arsenal has taught me an important lesson: how to be patient with the people or things you love when they start acting up.
Sure I should be able to apply this to ‘us’.

I intend to visit the Emirate stadium one of these days, so if you see me preparing for that trip, please kindly support me and let’s buy that Arsenal ticket together.
And mind you, Arsenal’s ticket is the most expensive in English football (just thought you should know. *winks)

Dear wife, I love good music especially gospel music with really good beats and instrumentals.
I plan to sing a whole lot around the house, I know you won’t mind.
If my voice is croaky, just listen to me sing all the same, will you? (Now, that’s my darling).
And peradventure you also love to sing, I will gladly serve as your back up singer.

I presently love music from Casting Crown, Hilsong, Nathaniel Bassey, Matt Redman, Warren Barfield, Michael W. Smith and a few others. I don’t fancy those Nigerian artists who make a lot of noise and refer to it as music.
They irritate my ears and get on my nerves. There are few exceptional ones though.

You should know, I had it rough (as many have) while growing up.
�It was not much fun without a mother’s care.
And that’s why I respect and appreciate all who came to become parents to myself and my siblings.
I also hold my siblings in high regard and I believe that you would too once you get to know them.

I believe you have a wonderful family and I promise to respect them to the utmost.
I trust that your friends are wonderful ladies; full of ambition and well brought up.
Your friends and family determine how much of a success our marriage will be; this is because here in Nigeria, marriage is not only a union between two consenting adults but also between two consenting families, alongside the merging of family history, etc. We’ll get there.

As I was saying, I had it pretty rough while growing up and I have vowed that with the help of God, our children will not pass through such.
No one should. Those kids will have the best that we can give them: love, discipline, education, good heritage and legacy and we will marry them off well. Can’t wait for that last part, haha. I am an advocate of not sparing the rod so they shall be spanked when its absolutely necessary but not so it becomes an everyday event. (God forbid that its necessary to do so daily. Whew! Kids.)�
I sincerely hope, dear wife, that I’m able to misbehave in your presence;��
I don’t want to be ‘forming’ up and down when I am with you. I should be able to spill water or wine while eating, fart when I can’t hold it, and speak bad grammar, belch at dinner (I know it’s bad etiquette and I don’t usually do it but who knows?).
Be certain I won’t do these ‘stupidly awkward things in public though. It is in the comfort of our home that such will happen, so relax.

Sweetheart, please follow your dreams, have your personal ambition and pursue it with all that God has given.
Supporting you, encouraging and urging you on I will do. Its my life purpose to do that anyway. Don’t be among the ladies who think only the man must be at the forefront. I don’t mind if you are more successful, popular or richer as long as I remain the love of your life.
The vision I have got from the Father for the future is bigger, much bigger than I; and I can’t wait to tell you all of it.

I think about you often, hence this letter.
I hope you’re well and safe wherever you are now. God’s peace be with you.
Hope to write you another letter soon.


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