The diary was timeworn, the pages were brown and smelt damp and old, most of the pages were almost used up and some pages furrowed and creased while others had just a little fold at the edges, it was quite obvious from the condition of the massive dairy that she was always using it. I smiled at what a writer she could be. Although the words were now faint, I could still read them clearly
1st November 2005; Dear diary; this is my first year in the secondary school and am so glad at my new friends. My seniors are so nice as well as my teachers, I love my school, I don’t feel like it is a boarding school. I have this roommate, niyola, she is so nice..
I smiled to myself, envisioning the lovely childhood she must have had, I wanted to read all she wrote in her diary at once, I had a quick glance at the page and flipped, skimming through to the next page and then turned to the next, I glanced through the pages one by one, missing some pages and skimming through the others and then..
14th January 2008; dear dairy; it is with heartbreaking sadness and regret that I write to you today. I may be expelled from school..
I looked at the date again, 2008; it must have been in her third year in the secondary school. Swiftly developing a keen interest, I read on
..I don’t know what got into me today, what do I say to my friends?, how do I explain to mother that I have failed her again? Who would understand my situation; I wish father had not left us.. I truly cannot write to you today, I am consumed by sorrow.
The next page..
15th January 2008; dear diary; the kind senior promised to keep my secret if I gave her my word to stop being a lesbian but promising I would stop doesn’t just make me well again. I hate I am like this. Yes diary, you heard me, I am a lesbian. I love you diary because my deepest secrets are forever safe with you. So today I would write to you the most agonizing events of my life, I lost taste of the peacefulness of life that day and the rest of the days that turned to weeks which turned to months and then years.. It was on a Saturday morning and I was only five years old. As usual, I was with Aunty Bridget, the monster, after father left, mother rarely ever stayed at home. That day seemed like every other Saturday morning but it was different, because unlike Aunty Bridget she was kind and playful. And when she lay on the bed as she always did when she was done with her duties, she stared at me continuously in a strangely different manner that was not to scold me or rebuke my actions, it was not kind either, that look would forever haunt me. Ordinarily when she lay on the bed, Oh! How can I ever forget that red mattress she never put a bed sheet on, and lay in that same manner she would remain so engrossed in her phone and would hardly notice anything, even if a rat climbed her legs ,also she would wiggle in strange manners. I usually saw her put her hand in her skirts and moan, sometimes even out loud, I never truly understood, I would just stare and she would barely take notice of me, but that day, it was not the same, she called me to her, and ordered that I pulled my clothes, not soon she was caressing my juvenile nipple, I ran that day, I was confused and very scared, I did not know what to think, a lot ran through my mind that day but I had no one to run to, mother was nowhere near, so I came back home and that was how it all started, since then I was an object for her bizarre practices. At first, I tried to tell mother but she would not believe her little sister would molest me, I grew up with aunty Bridget and not my mother, so soon it was an everyday activity, she comes to me whichever time deems her fit at any corner of the house I was hiding in, as soon as mother was out, it went on like that, it was not long I started to enjoy it. It turned to an addiction. It was after I was expelled from my primary school for trying to molest a classmate that mother believed me. I fear I may never have an interest in any man and that was the scariest part. I love my roommate, Niyola, I only want to do with her, all my aunty did with me, even though she reported me to the senior..
I could not believe what I was reading, my heart beat faster. I shut the diary and slammed it on the table noisily, I shook with surprise I couldn’t get myself to continue reading, I turned to Sarah, she was still asleep, different emotions engulfed me, anger, pity and the need to understand, I picked the diary again and opened to a random page.
2nd February 2012; dear diary; I love David, he is the nicest person I know, he makes me very happy in ways no other person could. He makes me forget I have teething troubles; I must fight until I conquer this evil in me. I want to be a normal girl, Aunty Bridget..
‘David?’ I felt Sarah’s hand touch my back unexpectedly, the diary fell from my hand and I jerked up suddenly like a child caught stealing, she had already seen me reading her diary..
Written By Amaka
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