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Yvonne the Unical Babe [Episode 6]

Yvonne the Unical Babe

It’s not like Olawunmi was specifically a witch.

She just had gotten her hands into a higher level of runs.
In as much as Yvonne got most of the “uncles”, it still did not erase the fact that Olawunmi and I had gotten our fair share.

So Olawunmi had decided to use jazz, very powerful one at that. Apparently, she used the jazz on me the night I saw her in my dream. The dream wasn’t so scary anymore. I was in class. My course mates had stared at me in disbelief when I entered the hall. Some of my course mates didn’t even know who I was. Pelumi stood with a heavily tribal marked girl. I wasn’t sure if I remembered anyone myself. Just Pelumi looked familiar. I walked up to her, the tribal marked girl spoke
‘this one you ha hin school today. Ope no pwobwem’, I smiled timidly and replied that there wasn’t any problem at all. Pelumi had chipped in saying that she had to recheck our group chat on whatsapp for any news of quizzes she might have missed. The tribal marked girl brought out a pack of chewing gum, super star
‘hanyone care for?’, we both shook our heads.
‘I see you don’t wemember me. Ham wuth. That’s my name, wuth’. She said, as she chewed carelessly, letting out disturbing sounds of “Kpa ta ta ta Kpa..” with the gum.
She obviously was one of those aspiring slay queens. Pelumi had not changed a bit. While “wuth” put on a multicoloured top, yellow, pink, lemon and blue striped lines, with an orange belt, and a lemon coloured trousers, Pelumi simply put on a dark blue, sleeveless jump suit. Their hairs were a far cry from one another. Blue attachments were used to braid a Bob Marley on “wuth’s” hair. While pelumi carried a neatly packed natural hair. I was going to realise later that these two were best of friends. The lecturer walked in, swiftly, chaos erupted as everyone rushed and struggled to have a clear view of the board. Everyone wanted to sit at the front.
‘Ruth!!! rush, keep space for us’, Pelumi called after her friend as she ran forward, pushing everyone that blocked her aside. Oh, so o, her name was Ruth.

Two weeks had passed since I last heard from Olawunmi, which was also the first and last time I entered that strange bush.
“the lord” had looked at me fixedly, ‘you are not ready for this’ he told me. He went on to reprimand Olawunmi, asking why she would bring such a weakling to him.
‘chickens can never be eagles’, he concluded. Oh so now I was a chicken, simply because I did not want to soil my hands with so much “dirts”. Olawunmi sat, still, looking frightened and shaken.
‘I.. I.. I’m so.. Sorr Sorry. It wou.. Would never repeat itself’, she apologized.
Of course it would never. I didn’t plan on having anything to do with her after now. I only, simply wished I would get out of here alive. To my utmost relief, “the lord” ordered me to be thrown out.
A midget came out of nowhere and lifted me with so much might, I was shocked beyond my bones.
‘Don’t ever say a word about this to anyone’, he warned me.
He didn’t tell me what would happen if I did, but I was not about to experiment with my destiny. The midget carried me out of the house, and the next thing I knew, I stood at the express which I later recognised to be Ndidem Usang Iso road.
I found some money in my pocket and took a cab home. That day, I vowed never to depend on anyone, especially Yvonne. She was great, yes, but now Olawunmi was out for her. It was just a matter of time, and Yvonne the great would fall. Now, I couldn’t tell her, I had been warned. I decided to become a little bit serious with school, and I resumed my visits to Oseloka’s house. We were not dating yet, so I was free to continue with my “business”.
No one knew what could happen tomorrow, therefore, I could not risk putting all my eggs in one basket.

Ever since the inception of my relationship with Yvonne, I had met only two men, one of which had become my regular customer, uncle C-neke. He gave me all the money I ever needed, and I was satisfied. But tonight, Yvonne had told me that I had to widen my horizon. She had opened up to me on how betrayed she felt when she realised Olawunmi had packed out of her house.
‘I seriously do not know why she did it.. I believe, she has her reasons’, she said with her phonetic engulfed accent. She still had not mentioned anything about the missing furniture in Olawunmi’s room.

Tonight she would introduce me to a better and richer “uncle” of hers. I already knew these men she called uncle were in no way related to her. That was what Olawunmi had told me, and I had reason to believe her. How many uncles could one possibly have, and how many uncles patted their niece’s boobs and ass all in the name of greeting.
‘This man you would meet tonight, he’s very rich. A nice uncle of mine. He stays in Lagos. That’s where you stay right?‘, she was not asking me for she continued to talk, ‘and he has more money than uncle C-neke’.

We were at Francris suites. She went on further to tell me that he was more handsome and less pot bellied than uncle C-neke. She gave me his room number, and winking at me, she gave my ass a squeeze, which was awkward to me.

I got to the room and knocked, a voice told me to come in and that the door was opened.
‘switch on the light’ the voice said.
I didn’t know where the switch was, but I used my hands to feel through the wall, at last I found it. I switched on the light. My eyes struggled to take in the sudden brightness.

‘Precious!!!’ the voice exclaimed my name. I could not miss the surprise contained in the voice. By now, my eyes were accustomed to the brightness. I looked up to see Uncle Alfred seated upright on the bed, bare chested, mouth agape. Uncle Alfred was my landlord back home in Lagos, a very good friend of my father, and also my god-father. Now, this was really an Uncle.

Read Yvonne the Unical Babe Episode 5


DJ STiphBami – Beats and Juice (BJ 2021)

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TareeQ – Medicine


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